Advice from Cheney

The press, from both PEI and outside of PEI, have been hounding me all the time the past few days. I need to hide from them so they can't annoy me 24 hours a day, so I called a guy who knows all about making tough decisions and hiding out, Dick Cheney. The conversation got off to a rough start because he didn't know that I am a Hockey Visionary and at first wouldn't take my calls. But I finally got through to him when he mistakenly confused me with a fund-raiser in Ohio and we hit it off immediately. We talked about the loneliness of being right all the time, of the need to have total secrecy surrounding my decision-making process, the need to accumulate vast sums of wealth, and why it is important that men like us never have our actions questioned. It was a terrific conversation and I got some great ideas to use on that little dweeb Bob Hunter the next time he calls.

The Vice President suggested that I move to PEI full-time and make McConnell call me when he feels the need to talk. And none of that ID blocking on the phone when he calls, either. If I decide to fly to Europe to scout some Norwegian, McConnell should be told to send his questions to me in writing and I will respond after I review them. No questions or interviews from the media unless Jeff Rimer hosts the show.

These were just a few gems I got from him. It really cheered me and pumped me up. I got so excited that I started planting stories out there about what a mess the team is and how difficult I am to work with. Everybody knows that this is just not true because people don’t work with me, they work for me.